Bonny's mum - a death in Uganda

Now don't panic, nothing terrible has happened to anyone we know, but this was really moving for me.

On Tuesday at school one of the teachers told me at lunch time that one of the boys, Bonny, in P5 had lost his mum, which explains why he wasn't at school. He is only 13 and his mum was only 34, and she died of diabetes. I couldn't believe it and my heart really went out to this young man because I have got to know him quite well. he is a bit of a lad and thinks he is about 21 sometimes, but he is godly and really committed to coming to the lunchtime worship we have and is always the one to remember what we learny yesterday or offer to read the bible aloud. I couldn't imagine how he must be feeling, and i was just sharing those thoughts with the other teacher, when people started gathering around us. I didn't know what was going on, and then she started asking whether I was going to go to the house with them. I figured a few of the teachers would go around the corner to visit Bonny and maybe give a card or something. So I said I would go.

But people kept gathering, and I realised that someone was having a little collection. They said that it's customary to pay a "condolence fee" from the classmates, and of course his friends from other classes all chipped in. From about 50 odd kids they collected 2,000 shs, which is equivalent to about 4.00. What amazed me even more, was that as the teachers started walking down the road, all of these friends of Bonny's followed us! can you imagine a great stream of kids in the middle of the heat of the day, just walking walking walking, and it was just a bit further than I thought it would be. I was thinking what on earth is going on here, how are we all gonna fit in this poor guys house, and with a grieving family how awkward could this be!?

I needn't of worried. This is how they do things in Uganda. When we got the the house, which was about the size of my garden shed, we found that they had rigged up a tarpaulin outside the front and brought out a few chairs for people. We the teachers sat here and all the kids mingled around and tried to stay out of the sun. When a lady appeared out of the house they all dropped to their knees as a sign of respect and exchanged a greeting in complete unison. They lady turned out to be the mother of Bonny's mum, and was just sitting silently weeping for a long while. Nobody really spoke, but it was a funny feeling of solidarity and sympathy rather than hysterical greiving. It seemed as if it was just accepted that people die and its tough, but we know how you feel because we've been there. The teacher (Gladys) who knew Bonny best talked to his nan for a while, and after about 20mins Bonny appeared from a few doors down where he had been. He was quiet but looked pleased to see people, and I honestly couldn't tell if he had been crying or not. He greeted is friends with the same unison greeting which broke the silence a bit because they all had a little giggle about the formality of it when he was one of them. Gladys continued to speak to him a bit, and then we all prayed for him briefly and tried to say a few words about God still loving him and being with him, but it was nothing flowerly just simple.

I was really just watching the whole thing in awe. I couldn't believe how tough Bonny and his nan seemed, and even when his younger sisters and older brothers came out to greet us they didn't sho much anxiety, just quiet sadness. And the most important thing that struck me is that sense of "we're sorry, we know how you feel, and its rubbish isn't it". Nobody tried to dress anything up or down, they just simply came to sit with their friend for a little while and show their love for him. And seriously, the oldest of these kids must be only 14 and the youngest down to about 7, but they were just so natural about the whole ordeal. It made me wonder how many times they had done this, or been the one in that position themselves. One the way back Bonny walked with us a little way and hung back with a few of his friends. Those boys can be so silly and normal 12 and 13 year olds in class, but at that moment they seemed far and away more mature than me and just chatted with their mate about what had happened.

Bonny was back at school today, having buried his mum the following day, and now has his aunt staying at his house with them. I don't know where his dad is or if he is still alive, but the boy didn't seem much worse for wear today. In fact, if you hadn't known what had just happened, you could be forgiven for thinking it was just another normal school day for a school boy. I still can't get over the fact that a 34year old mum of 4 can die of diabetes and nobody question the fact that no medicine was available. Had she lived in England, Bonny would still have a mum.